A bit of escapism

This is how I’d like my life to be right now…free and soaring and riding Hippogriffs over Scottish lochs.

Change

I can’t decide whether it’s just the thought of spring coming or whether it’s real. I feel a change coming. Something is stirring, little whispers of ideas and plans. Nothing substantial and often the thoughts slip away, the way dreams do, before I can fully grasp them. But somewhere inside I have a ‘feeling’. It’s a vague ‘feeling’ but it’s definitely a feeling.

Once upon a time this would have driven me to distraction. I would have been frantically scanning the recesses of my mind, feeling frustrated and annoyed that I couldn’t get to work on whatever it is. These days I have been learning a new way to deal with this. I just sit with it. I don’t force it. I take the little bits that come to me and examine them and put them away until some other piece comes and I look at that, maybe add it to the other piece like a mental jigsaw puzzle, maybe discard it, maybe start a new puzzle. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. And that’s ok too.

I don’t really know what this is about. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t even know if it is anything at all. Strange thing is…I don’t mind not knowing all that because what I DO know that it will all unfold exactly as it should with or without any help from me.

Memory

Isn’t memory a strange thing? Well perhaps not memory itself but the way it manifests (or fails to). Let me explain. I had a completely exhausting week last week. We have long days anyway, with both of us working full time and the girls in before and after school care every day, but last week 4 nights out of 5 we had ‘other activities’ to attend which made for very long days away from home. Places to go, people to see you know. Add to that three very disturbed nights for me (for various reasons) and I was left utterly knackered.

So yesterday afternoon I decided to have a little nap and took myself off to bed for an hour. Lying there, slightly demented from tiredness, my mind began to wander into those mysterious places it goes been waking and sleep. I suddenly had a very comforting image of a house that I love very much. I don’t know who it belongs to but I’ve always admired it when we drove past. It sits near the top of a gently sloping hill, and is surrounded by beautiful trees. It has a small fenced field close to the house where live two chocolate brown, velvety faced donkeys. There’s just something about that house that makes me feel peaceful and content and only slightly (ahem) envious of the people lucky enough to live there.

This isn’t it, but it’s not unlike it. Photo credit here

In my semi-slumber I thought ‘we must take a drive past it so I can see it. Where is it again?’ After a few moments confusion and delving into memory I recalled where it was. I also recalled that I hadn’t been there in more than 20 years. It was in Scotland, on a road we sometimes took home which my mother referred to as the ‘wee road’. We’d leave town and Mum would say to Dad ‘can we drive home on the wee road’. We all knew what she meant, it was the ‘scenic route’ and we all loved it. Part of it took us down a narrow road past a farm, in spring and summer there were always wildflowers growing at the side of the road and we’d stop and pick them. The road had steep banks and hedgerows and as we picked the flowers the Highland Cows in the field would peer curiously over the hedges at us.

Photo by John Toms

I was a sucker for those gentle brown eyes and silky noses.

Now I can understand that is a happy memory and I guess that somewhere in my mind something triggered that place and I probably needed that sense of comfort that it gave me. But I can’t helping feeling that ‘memory’ is a miraculous thing and a little strange. It was vivid, I could see it and feel it and smell it, for a short time it fooled my sleepy mind into thinking it was a recent memory, but it wasn’t.

I really believe we have access to everything we need inside ourselves. In the past few days I’ve had lots of realisations and epiphanies about things. I think there’s something in that memory for me examine too, I just have to work out what it is.

Grace in Small Things

Most of you will know I'm not a schmaltzy type...I can be very emotional and fairly often spill my guts about stuff that would be better told to a therapist, but on the whole I'm pretty practical and not given to profound and mushy statements. However just recently I have been experiencing a bit of emotional melt-down, a slight 'life crisis' (note I leave out 'mid' - I'm in denial about that). I've complained a lot, cried a bit, felt overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, depressed, irritated and generally just a whiny pain the arse.

Today I found a journal from about 4 years ago. I read some entries and smacked my head against a wall...talk about history repeating...or perhaps it just hasn't stopped. Maybe I've been having the same emotional melt-downs and crises for years. In fact I think I have.

This has to stop. By constantly coming up against the same issues and then constantly complaining about those same issues I am just reinforcing it in my own mind and in my life. It's stupid, it's pointless and I realised today I am wasting YEARS doing it.

So when I stumbled across this blog entry it occurred to me that too rarely do I stop and see the 'Grace in Small Things'. I'm not one for a gratitude journal or a daily passage from the bible - not that there's anything wrong with those things, I am very grateful for lots of stuff I just don't write about it daily and really, I'm just not going to do a bible reading every day either (I know... I'm going to hell) but I think I can find 5 small things to write about for 365 days. They don't have to be consecutive days, so it might take me 5 years. In fact the exact words of the creator of 'Grace in Small Things' are 'Do it once a week, a month, three times a day. Any old rules will do'.

I also might repeat sometimes (well how can I remember them all?). But more importantly it might just make me stop a bit more often and recognise how fortunate I am and how truly surrounded I am by Grace.

In doing this I hope I will also move on from the stuff I can't change and makes the changes I need to make in the places I can. I know it won't happen overnight and I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon from time to time...but I also have to accept that.

After all, we're all a 'work in progress' aren't we?

For more info about 'The Grace in Small Things' go here.

Some days....

...it's all about the music and today is one of those days.

I've been listening to a current favourite, (Geoffrey) Gurumul Yunupingu. Gurumul is an aboriginal singer, blind since birth, who is taking the world by storm. If you haven't heard him do yourself a favour and listen now......trust me, you won't regret it.

His music is available on Australian iTunes, but I'm not sure you can get it on the international ones yet. If not go to Skinny Fish Music and order today (no I don't get a commission, I'm just a believer). Go on, I'll wait.......

If the name Yunupingu is familar to you it may be that you remember this..... Mandawuy is his uncle (or cousin - they're related in some way).

I've also been enjoying this.....

I don't have this particular version in my collection but it's the same music, different artists. Love it.

For something completely different this is another favourite of mine (and this should be evidence of the eclectic nature of my musical taste). More indigenous music, this time from a rap band called Local Knowledge - this song is 'Blackfellas' - very poor quality sound on this video - sorry. oh and it's worth waiting until the end to see some Aboriginal singing and dancing.

To keep the musical theme going, tonight we are going to see Hannah play the piano in a school performance. She only started learning this year but she loves it and her practicing has only made my ears bleed once or twice. There will be photos.

On my desk

Boy, these on my desk posts come round quickly don't they?

So today I have a pattern, fabric and notions for some light weight, casual trousers....boring black I'm afraid but as I'm very much the amateur when it comes to making clothes I decided to keep things very simple....if these work out I shall be more adventurous next time. I'm hoping to make a wrap dress to wear with them and I have some lovely fabric for that.

Then, after lunch I may go down to the willows with this....

I'm feeling a little bit artistically inspired today by this....

Beautiful woodblock painting by Cressida Campbell. Not that I'm planning any wood block work, if only I were so talented (and patient). Cressida has just released a book of her work which I would love. I'll have to drop some heavy hints as I have a birthday coming up...and of course there's Christmas too.

Music......

...to fly to

and music to cry to.......

Enjoy!

**Updated - that video isn't working because it showed a scene from the movie 'Once' - copyright issues - however you can hear the same song here....