Here I sit.....

....in my office. Yep, you read that right....my office. I have whined blogged endlessly about the lack of progress on our renovations and told how we actually moved a load of stuff into the office in preparation for it becoming a real office. Well, yeah....it didn't. Now, don't get all excited and admiring or anything because....well....it still isn't. However, it is now set out exactly as it shall be after it is painted and new flooring is done.

This is my theory. I have been saying for some time that I find it difficult to work without a designated space that pleases me. I did not use the room that was going to be an office because it wasn't 'finished'. Then I realised that it can still be a pleasing environment to work in temporarily and when the painting and new flooring are ready to be done it will only take an hour or so to move everything out again. Tom agreed, so we did it and I am now sitting at my desk looking out of the window at some big old gum trees, a few cows and the windmill (ok, I'm actually looking at the computer screen but that sounds less poetic and I only have to move my head the tiniest fraction and I can see all that other stuff).

It is a pleasing room. Not least because it is not just any old office. It is our office/gompa or offpa or gompice. We always have a part of the house that is used as our meditation space and as this house is lacking in extra rooms we needed to create a hybrid and this is it. One third of the room is separated by a bookcase and behind that bookcase are our mats and cushions and other meditation paraphenalia. I always tell my meditation students that you don't need paraphenalia to meditate - and you don't - but you can if it helps. I find it helps. So that the room maintains a feeling of warmth I have deliberately avoided furnishing it in a professional officey style. I've stuck to old wooden furniture (desk, drawers, bookcase) and soft lamps and even a few textiles.

The result is a warm and gentle place to work, infused with the scent of Tibetan meditation incense and that peace that develops in the places people meditate. It gets the morning sun and there's nothing more inspiring than being drenched in that kind of fresh new sunlight - it feels like anything is possible. So here I sit, engulfed in the sounds of Deva Premal and watched over by Tara. What could be better?

Om Tare Tuttare Ture Svaha

Hiatus...

..we have a child free weekend....excuse me for a day or so while I laze around talking to my husband uninterrupted, drinking wine, eating grown up food (and lots of chocolate), surfing the internet, sleeping late TWO DAYS IN A ROW and briefly pretending that we're one of those child free couples.

Woo hoo!!!

A post about nothing

Yet another car conversation:

Aislin: I can't see nothing.

Me: You mean you can't see anything....

Aislin: No mummy, I can't see nothing.....

Me: Umm, no really, it's anything....the word is anything.....

Aislin: .....silence.....

Me: Do you understand what I'm saying? You know, about the word?

Aislin: (patiently) My imaginery friend is called 'nothing'. I can't see nothing.....do you understand?

Me: Ok. Right you are then.

Easter morning

Because my children do not believe in sleeping in any day, let alone exciting days like Christmas and Easter, we were up at the crack of dawn for the annual Easter Egg Hunt. After our heatwave we are now experiencing really cold mornings (lovely) so we were all wrapped up (Hannah wore two pairs of pyjama trousers) with winter dressing gowns and thick socks and Wellingtons. I realise it would probably make more sense to just get dressed but hunting in PJs has become a tradition. The 'Easter Bunny' didn't want to leave the eggs out all night as we have rather a lot of possums and faeries in our garden, all of whom believe that if it's left out it's for them. So he got up very, very early and did the hiding then came back to bed freezing cold - I was not happy. Shortly after that the children woke up and we blearily (the Easter Bunny and I) and excitedly (Hannah and Aislin) went out into the cold morning to gather the eggs.

Apologies for the blurriness....it reflects my energy levels at the time

There were eggs everywhere...

So with the faeries, bunnies and eggs all sorted we went to mass - we like to keep all bases covered in this house.

Autumn Equinox

Some wine for the Willow faeries......

and our harvest offering....

And the next morning..........this is what it looks like after a faery piss up....

Meet William.....

William is Hannah's teddy. A family friend gave him to her for her first Christmas and he is her absolute favourite. Other toys come and go but William is her one true love. He usually wears a yellow jumper, it is just out of shot, also hanging on the line.

Because he is so loved he goes everywhere with Hannah and because he goes everywhere he gets dirty and often needs a bath. The only way to dry him is to hang him up....by his ears. I feel a bit bad about this, but I make myself feel better by telling myself that he likes it.

Letter to a 5 year old

My darling baby girl. Yesterday you turned 5. I can hardly believe that five years have passed and here you are about to start school. You are desperate to start school, and ask me every day how many days it is now. I have mixed feelings. I know that you are ready, oh so very ready, to take that next step into the world, and there is a part of me that is ready too. However there is also a part of me that almost cannot bear the thought. We went for a baby cino the other day. I had my soy latte and you had your little cup of froth. This has been one of our 'things', we call it having coffee together and you laugh at the idea that you are having 'coffee'. I looked at you sitting there with the chocolate powder all over your nose and my heart broke a little as I realised that our days of doing this together, just the two of us, are numbered. Since Hannah started school it has been just you and I, hanging out together playing 'Guess Who?' or 'The Wiggles Game' or watching Play School, doing the shopping or running errands and now my little companion is going off to big school. I will miss you.

I wonder how school will change you, you have always been shy and until this year didn't want me to leave straight away when I dropped you off at kindy. Now you are more confident and while you still like me to stay a while, you don't mind when I go. Today you had a school visit and you went off without a backward glance, but when I came to pick you up you you ran to me the way you always do and tonight, like every other night, you wanted me to lie beside you for a while after stories. Sometimes I do that all the while thinking of what I need to do when I go back through - not tonight though, tonight I lay a little bit longer and just appreciated the moment.

I'm writing this post as much for me as for you, I want to remember all the things that you did when you were 4. I want to remember how sweet you are, how you never expect presents for your birthday and seem surprised when we ask you what you want. You don't demand parties or tell us 6 months ahead of time what you want for Christmas. You are accepting and placid and loving. No-one tells me they love me as often as you do - that is several times a day. Your favourite is that you love me 'from here to the moon and back.... as big as the world.... as big as the universe and even as big as the Eiffel Tower!!' in your mind that is the ultimate in size, forget that measly old universe, you love as big as the Eiffel Tower (Gustave would be really chuffed about that). Sometimes you even tell me you love me in sign language - words are never enough. You call me sweet mummy and tell me I smell like rainbows. Today you were delighted to see I was wearing my black t-shirt, it didn't matter to you that it is an old, rather shabby black t-shirt, you loved it and told me how glad you were that I was wearing it again and how nice it looked. All this love isn't exclusively for me, you adore your daddy and your sister, you would give Hannah everything you owned.

Of course it has to be said that you are also pretty feisty at times, as generous as you are to Hannah you also torment the living daylights out of her, you know exactly how to push her buttons and do so whenever the mood takes you. You take my breath away at times with your mastery of comeback lines. One day when you were being particularly naughty and rude I told you I didn't like rude little girls, to which you instantly replied 'well I don't like cross mummies'. Last week I was very busy (organising your party in fact) and you were hassling me for something, eventually I snapped that I would do it in a minute, you looked at me solemnly and asked if I wanted to do some meditation, when I asked why you said 'because meditation is good for you, it makes you calm and happy'. Point taken.

Happy Birthday Ash, I love you as big as the Eiffel Tower....and then some.

Checking out the universe...