Quick post

The girls go back to school tomorrow after their two week break, so today is a whirlwind of preparation and not much time for blogging.

I had a day off yesterday, we’d been so busy and had a couple of late nights and I was tired.  We ended up having a quiet day at home, Tom worked on an essay and I just puttered about.  I did find a pattern that got me all enthused for knitting again (more about that in another post) and that then led me to Ravelry which I hadn’t visited for some time.  It was nice to reconnect there although it can be even more addictive than Facebook.

So now I must go and drag out winter school uniforms, make sure everything is in good repair (which I think it is because I checked before I put them away last spring).  

The Handless Maiden, Wolves and the Voice of the Earth

I’m still dwelling on the week that was. I’ve never been one to just accept ‘what is’ I always examine and analyse and consider.  I look at the externals and assess the situation then I look at the internals (a much scarier place) and wonder at the stuff that goes on inside.  I notice the symbols and synchronicities and marvel at how it all works.  Often at the end of all this I’m none the wiser, but just sometimes I see a pattern or a message I should be aware of (yes, I’m also an over-thinker at times).

This week has been particularly interesting.  First of all…wolves.  Everywhere.  I turn on the television and there are wolves (not just once….THREE TIMES), I open a book and more wolves, I do a Facebook quiz and get the wolf, someone tells me a story….about wolves (completely random and out of the blue).  Anyway, you get the idea…wolves are all around me.   My Druid Animal Oracle tells me the wolf is about ‘Intuition, Learning and the Shadow’. 

I’ve been having some really strange and vivid dreams too.  The ultimate was when I dreamt that someone had cut off my hands.  It wasn’t gory or frightening, I didn’t dream the actual cutting, just the aftermath and an ‘oh crap, this is going to inconvenient' moment.   It’s been 15 years since I read ‘Women Who Run with the Wolves’ (wolves again) but I’ve revisited that to re-read ‘The Handless Maiden’, a story about bargains and initiation and the shadow and so much more.  My favourite quote from the author’s interpretation of the story is "Though we hate to admit it, over and over again the poorest bargain of our lives is the one we make when we forfeit our deep knowing life for one that is far more frail; when we give up our teeth, our claws, our sense, our scent; when we surrender our wilder natures for a promise of something that seems rich but turns out hollow instead..’ Hmmm, what poor bargain have I made?

I also dreamt that a group of youths looking ‘tribal’ broke into my house – I had to fight them…and I did, quite successfully.  Then I went to their leader and told him it was ok, no harm done, just go away and don’t bother me again.  And they did. 

Make of that what you will.  A Jungian psychologist could have a field day with that lot.

Finally, last night as I was sitting quietly meditating on all of this there was a loud bang then a slow rumbling that built up to a fairly significant vibrating and died down again slowly – it all happened over a period of 10 – 15 seconds but it felt a lot longer.  I knew what it was immediately and after the initial adrenalin rush I relaxed into it.  I knew that Mother Earth was feeling just as restless and unsettled as I was, she was having a stretch and bit of a grumble, finding a new level and letting us know she’d done it.  Now there’s a lesson I need to learn.

P.S. Small earthquake on a local fault – 3.8 magnitude. 

Snow balling busy-ness

I’ve had a frustrating week for a variety of reasons.  It seems like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.  I’ve even managed to get some people off-side and well…let’s face it…mad at me.  Sigh.  I’m SO over it all.  I have found this week to be incredibly draining, both physically and emotionally.

I had hoped for at least one day at home, with nothing to do but potter and enjoy some peace and maybe do a little business work – it hasn’t happened.  And it’s not going to happen today either.   We have a birthday party to attend for one of Aislin’s friends and that in itself isn’t a problem.  However, I have offered to arrive early to help set up etc (I know what it’s like organising a child’s party), I also have volunteered to pick up another child and take them to the party as their mother is working (I know what that’s like too).  We also have to stop and buy a birthday present as I’ve been so busy all week I haven’t had a chance to do that yet.   So I’ve managed to create some extra running around for myself, it’s not frantic – just time consuming and ultimately tiring.  And I’m already very tired.

I would sell my soul for a week, ALL ALONE at the beach house.  But I won’t be getting that any time soon either.

Here ends the self-pity post.

 

Another door opens…

Within a few hours of yesterday’s disappointment I received a call from the agency about a job that had just come in.  They felt I was ideally suited to the role and asked me to come in (again) for a chat about it.  I agreed and I’m going in this afternoon.

The only thing is this position is a full time, permanent one.  It’s a good job, again writing curriculum and coordinating learning and development within an organisation.  I should be happy and I am…sort of.  I’m just not sure I want something quite so…committed.   I’d really like something similar to that, interesting company, challenging work, utilising my skills, experience and my degree, but part time, maybe 2 or 3 days a week.  I’m sure a job like that, with my name on it, exists.  Just not sure where. 

Working full time is a bit of a nightmare the way it impacts on family life, leave early, home late, always rushing.  Also not being able to get to things at school and always being busy and tired. It’s no fun.  It also leaves me no time to work on the business (which is my ultimate goal).

So, I don’t know what will happen today – it may not be suitable once we talk about it so I’ll be back to square one.  I still feel like I’m in some strange, unsettled place with the future uncertain.  I’m not enjoying this at all. Which seems a bit ungrateful, I know I’m lucky to be in a position where I can be offered good, well paid jobs, but is it really too much to ask to have something a bit more suited to family life (not to mention my sanity)?

Oops!

I nearly forgot to blog!  I’ve been busy since yesterday and hardly had to time have a cup of tea never mind blog.  I finally had a quiet moment, checked my emails and had a peak at Facebook and was just thinking I should go and get that casserole in the oven when I was overcome with the nagging feeling that I’d forgotten to do something…and I had.

So, I had a slight disappointment today.  I have decided that until I get my act together and decide what I’m really going to do with my life I will do some temporary and short contract work.  I rang an agency on Monday who just happened to have an ideal position available and were having trouble filling it – they were very excited to hear from me.  It was an instructional design role, writing training curriculum for a big company.  It was temporary but that’s fine I want temporary.  I set up an interview with the agency (the official registering with them bit) and went in today.  Sadly, that position had been withdrawn.  I was a little disappointed but still went through the testing and interview and the consultant felt confident that there would be something suitable in the future.  I said I’d do admin work or whatever until something else came along.  She wants to avoid me doing that for too long as it’s ‘not a match for my high level skill set’ ha.  Anyway, I'm not ready to jump off a bridge or anything as I’m sure there will be something else along any minute. Ahem.

If it’s Tuesday….

…it must be swimming lessons.  Not for me you understand but for my daughters. But not until this afternoon.  This morning I am continuing to work on business type stuff.  It’s nice, Jack is asleep on my feet under the desk, he always lies there when I work.  When I was working ‘outside the home’ I missed having him there with me.  Apparently they had some stupid rule that said people couldn’t take their dogs to work. We all consoled ourselves and each other by looking at photos of each others’ dogs, praising their loveliness and talking about them a lot.  We did a bit of work as well but that wasn’t as much fun.

Later on I shall meet ‘M’ and retrieve my children and take said children to their swimming lesson.   Then I have to come home and cook for the freezer (that is cook food to put in the freezer not cook food for the freezer to eat, but I’m pretty sure you’d worked that out yourselves).

I did manage to do some work yesterday and I’ve made a bit of a start this morning.  After reading about Dave’s gorgeous new live-in lady and shedding a tear over Laoi’s civil war letter and reading numerous other blog posts of course. 

But now…back to it.

Shhh…you didn’t see me

Today a friend (I shall call her 'M’ – nothing to do with James Bond) insisted on taking my children off my hands and caring for them overnight on the proviso that I spent the free time working on some business projects.  These projects are overdue because it’s been almost impossible to work on them while the children have been here (school holidays). ‘M’ is a strong supporter of my getting the business off the ground and having MY two children also means HER two children are occupied which allows her to …well I don’t know what she’ll do but whatever, it’s a win-win.

So here I am sitting at the computer working on the projects.  No, well spotted…I’m NOT am I?  I’m blogging and eating my way through a large tub of mango yoghurt.  I’m desperately trying to stay off Facebook and ignore Farmville…what is wrong with me??  I finally have some desperately needed free time and I’m faffing about on useless pursuits (well blogging isn’t a useless pursuit and the yoghurt is delicious but you get my drift). 

I had intended to share my misery with you today but that will be a long post I suspect and I’d better do something more productive.  I’m pretty sure ‘M’ will insist on seeing evidence of how I spent my time, and a lengthy, depressing blog post about hard done by I am will not impress her.  At all.