Where’s my parachute?

I've had trouble blogging for quite some time now (some of you may have noticed).  It’s not laziness or even busy-ness  that stops me (although I am busy) , it’s much more about the turmoil in my head.

I sit down and open up Live Writer then go blank.  I have no idea how to get my thoughts out of my head and onto the blog.  Sometimes I think ‘just write about anything’ but there is so much other ‘stuff’ it’s difficult to do even that.

It’s nothing terribly dramatic or cause for concern, just a kind of general confusion and angst.   You may recall that I have been working full time since last August.  I have blogged about it and made it clear that I don’t like the job.  I still don’t like it, in fact in December I tried 3 times to resign.  They talked me into staying – the general manager asked me to stay at least until February and see how I felt then  as a ‘personal favour’ to him.  It’s hard to say no to that without seeming unreasonable. February came and I felt the same way so I resigned again.  This time they believed I meant it and ‘reluctantly’ accepted my resignation.  Apparently they were very ‘disappointed’.  I don’t really care.  I finish there on 26 March. 

Now I feel a bit lighter but with something new to worry about.  How will I earn money?  What I really want to do is get my business going again and work from home as I used to.   Of course there is a lot of fear and trepidation and ‘what ifs’ around that.  Taking the leap, without any kind of real solid basis for taking the leap and without a working parachute (or any parachute at all if I’m honest).   In other words A RISK!!! Scary, scary stuff. 

Let’s hope I can fly.

Deprivation..or is it?

A week ago I temporarily deactivated my FB account. I needed to stay focussed on some other important jobs and it’s too easy to lose hours on the various sites and general internetting that I do.  So I have entered a period of what I thought would be web deprivation.

However, I’m here to report that it really hasn’t been as bad as I thought – the first two days were the worst.  A FB friend sent me a text message on day 2 asking how I was coping…I told him ‘crap’.  Then after another day or so I started to notice how much I was getting done (not blogging obviously).  I caught up on some work I was behind with, I listened to some teleclasses and audiobooks while I was working and got a little bit inspired to do some other things.  It’s been good. Really it has.

I have to confess that I do pop back to Facebook every few days to tend my farm for 15 minutes, then I shut it down again.  I also had to leave it open for a day so that a friend in Egypt could add me – but I didn’t spend any time there and as soon as he’d done that I closed it down again until I’m ready to be permanently open. 

I think eventually I will be able to reactivate it and just not spend as much time there, but to begin with I had to make it a bit more definite.    

Go me.