Where are all the memes when you need one?

I have no news since yesterday.  Apart from the fact that we did complete those sewing projects* and I did watch two episodes of ‘Lost’** there’s not much else to report. 

Today will be even less exciting.  I have some grocery shopping to do (on a Sunday!) and then I have to cook (yuck).  Maybe some more ‘Lost’?  Or that art project I mentioned yesterday?  Who knows.  I have no expectations today.

Actually I’m feeling a little ‘bleh’ today.  The morning started well and it’s been downhill all the way since then.  I don’t know, life’s a bit of a roller coaster at the moment, more about that in another post (just make sure you take your anti-depressants before reading it – you know how tedious I am when I’m maudlin). 

Anyway, onwards and upwards.  Have a lovely Sunday preciouses (yes, I know it’s not a word).

* We made rat beds and rat hammocks.  No end to glamour round here.

** I started watching ‘Lost’ on DVD last winter.  I’m currently a series behind the TV episodes and I can’t rely on catching all the TV ones so I prefer to watch it at my own pace.  It’s been strangely addictive.   Anyway, Hannah saw a couple of early episodes with me then I decided it probably wasn’t suitable for a 9 year old (when I saw her running around with a water pistol tucked in the back of her jeans like a hand gun – yikes!).  I’ll put up my hand to a poor parenting moment there.  So she happened to walk in yesterday and saw me watching and said ‘so…what’s happened?’.  I nearly fell of my chair a) because she saw two episodes of series one and I’m watching the END of series 5 – that’s a lot of water under the bridge for the survivors of Oceanic 815 and b) because I have never seen such a complicated, convoluted and hard to follow TV show in my life, I think I know why they call it ‘Lost’ because half the time I AM!!   Honestly, I am hanging on by my fingernails trying to keep track of all the complexities myself  – there’s no way I could even begin to explain it to another person let alone a 9 year old.  Later on Tom walked in and stared at the TV for a minute then took a breath as if to say something….I said ‘please don’t ask’ so he said ‘ok’ and left.

I still love it though.

Habit Forming

Yes, here am I again…at the risk of giving Dave a heart attack I’m blogging 3 DAYS IN A ROW. I’m trying to get back into the habit of blogging.  ‘They’ say you have to do a thing for 3 weeks for it to become part of your normal routine.  I’m not sure who ‘they’ are or whether or not that’s true, or indeed whether I can manage to blog consistently for 3 weeks, but at least for today it’s giving me something to write about.  Wow, that was a long sentence (which is probably what it feels like you are serving as you read this drivel). 

My grammar is crap too you may notice. 

It’s Saturday here, raining again which is lovely after the long, hot, dry summer.  Tom will be working on an essay*, so he’ll be closeted away drinking tea, muttering and tearing at his hair.  Since he’ll be hogging the laptop** I have to find some other way to entertain myself, so the girls and I will embark on some sewing projects and an art project that is due***.   I also may watch a couple of episodes of ‘Lost’.   All in all a lovely way to spend my day I think.

*Not sure if I’ve mentioned Tom is back at University doing a Masters in Science and Public Policy? Well. He is.

** I still have my iPhone so I won’t be totally removed from my beloved interwebs and email.

*** I’m doing a ‘Creative Goddess’ e-course which involves lots of fun with my paints and pastels and other arty materials and little forays into Art Land.  Something I’ve been neglecting for years.

So…what does the weekend have in store for you my lovelies?

 

Feeling Autumnal

The weather is beginning to turn, it’s still in the mid to low twenties, so not cold yet, but wet and dull and overcast.  We’ve had some lovely rain and are having some more today with thunder storms to come.  My favourite kind of weather.  I love Autumn and Winter, I can honestly say those seasons are when I’m at my most contented and most….I don’t know…centred? At peace? Dare I say approaching happy?  Nah, let’s not get carried away there.  :-)

I had a wander in the garden this morning to check out the seasonal changes.  In a little neglected corner I found the first mushrooms of the season (we get lots) – already munched by small creatures.

The trees are beginning to turn…

...gold…

…and burgundy…

…and little raindrops are everywhere.

 

It was lovely. I came inside and sat in my office drinking coffee and listening to household sounds.  The  girls were playing a camping game and making Jack play with them.  He’s so tolerant and was quite happy to pretend to be their pet bear.  The washing machine was swishing gently, the clothes dryer humming and rain on the roof.  Such mundane and domestic sounds and yet soothing.

And then…before I knew it…I’d written a blog post!

How can it be so?

Apparently, according the dating system on blogger, I wrote that last post on 20th March.  I don’t believe this. It can’t possibly have been that long. Can it?

Where do the days go? It’s starting to freak me out a little.  A minute ago it was Christmas and now Easter has come and gone.  Did time speed up?  Can someone please explain this terrifying phenomenon to me? And please don’t say ‘it’s what happens when you get older’ because that will depress me even more.

I feel like my life is speeding past me like a runaway train.

And just so you know…I don’t like it.  Not one bit.

 

I am not a (party) animal

A couple of weeks ago we had a nice weekend planned.  The girls were at their cousins for a couple of days and Tom and I had a bit of peace and quiet to look forward to and a party to go to on the Saturday night.

The party was a birthday celebration for a friend of Tom’s.  We’d received the invitation a few weeks earlier and Tom asked if I’d like to go and I said ‘yes, that will be nice’. 

The weeks passed and the big day arrived and I thought ‘a party…meh’.  I’d even dutifully posted on Facebook that it was going to a be a good weekend, including the party in list of enjoyable things about to happen.  By the time party hour rolled round I was thoroughly disinterested.  It was cold and raining, the party was being held in a shed or barn or something and worst of all there were over 60 people invited - I only vaguely knew one of them.  I had a sudden realisation that I had absolutely no interest in attending this party.  In fact the very idea of having to go to this event, make small talk with strangers and generally socialise filled me dread.  I didn’t want to go.   I told Tom.  He was a bit disappointed but understanding.  After much thought and deliberation I decided not to go.  Tom said he’d go for a couple of hours.  I changed out of my party clothes and got into my PJs, poured myself a glass of wine and settled on the couch, with Jack at my side, and watched Midsomer Murders.  Happy.

I’ve since reflected on this (for the want of something better to do).  During this reflection I came to realise that I don’t like parties, I’ve never liked parties and I have, in fact, spent my whole life disliking parties and avoiding them where possible and enduring them when it’s not possible to avoid them.  I even remember as a child not particularly liking parties.   The same goes for clubs and organisations and conferences.

I’m not anti-social, I like spending time with people up to a point.  I’ve always been very happy in my own company but a nice gathering of close friends and family is fine.  A dinner party, or lunch with a small group is lovely.  I think my limit is 6 people before it becomes too much and too overwhelming for me. 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me (is there?).  I know I’m not alone in not enjoying certain social gatherings.  I’m past the point in my life where I feel I have to party like it’s 1999 (and that reference proves it).  I’m also past the point in my life where I have to pretend about such things and can actually say ‘thanks for the invitation, but I’m not really into parties but would love to catch up for a drink/coffee/dinner sometime’ and not make excuses or lie about phantom previous engagements.  

Does this mean I’m finally growing up? Or just getting old?

Where’s my parachute?

I've had trouble blogging for quite some time now (some of you may have noticed).  It’s not laziness or even busy-ness  that stops me (although I am busy) , it’s much more about the turmoil in my head.

I sit down and open up Live Writer then go blank.  I have no idea how to get my thoughts out of my head and onto the blog.  Sometimes I think ‘just write about anything’ but there is so much other ‘stuff’ it’s difficult to do even that.

It’s nothing terribly dramatic or cause for concern, just a kind of general confusion and angst.   You may recall that I have been working full time since last August.  I have blogged about it and made it clear that I don’t like the job.  I still don’t like it, in fact in December I tried 3 times to resign.  They talked me into staying – the general manager asked me to stay at least until February and see how I felt then  as a ‘personal favour’ to him.  It’s hard to say no to that without seeming unreasonable. February came and I felt the same way so I resigned again.  This time they believed I meant it and ‘reluctantly’ accepted my resignation.  Apparently they were very ‘disappointed’.  I don’t really care.  I finish there on 26 March. 

Now I feel a bit lighter but with something new to worry about.  How will I earn money?  What I really want to do is get my business going again and work from home as I used to.   Of course there is a lot of fear and trepidation and ‘what ifs’ around that.  Taking the leap, without any kind of real solid basis for taking the leap and without a working parachute (or any parachute at all if I’m honest).   In other words A RISK!!! Scary, scary stuff. 

Let’s hope I can fly.

Deprivation..or is it?

A week ago I temporarily deactivated my FB account. I needed to stay focussed on some other important jobs and it’s too easy to lose hours on the various sites and general internetting that I do.  So I have entered a period of what I thought would be web deprivation.

However, I’m here to report that it really hasn’t been as bad as I thought – the first two days were the worst.  A FB friend sent me a text message on day 2 asking how I was coping…I told him ‘crap’.  Then after another day or so I started to notice how much I was getting done (not blogging obviously).  I caught up on some work I was behind with, I listened to some teleclasses and audiobooks while I was working and got a little bit inspired to do some other things.  It’s been good. Really it has.

I have to confess that I do pop back to Facebook every few days to tend my farm for 15 minutes, then I shut it down again.  I also had to leave it open for a day so that a friend in Egypt could add me – but I didn’t spend any time there and as soon as he’d done that I closed it down again until I’m ready to be permanently open. 

I think eventually I will be able to reactivate it and just not spend as much time there, but to begin with I had to make it a bit more definite.    

Go me.