It’s probably a virus

So.  Those of you who know me from such social networking sites as Facebook and Twitter will know I have been struck down this week with the flux. I whined about it there, now I’ll whine about it here. (Ok it’s not actually dysentery, just a nasty gastro, but please allow me the small pleasure of my exaggerations). 

Consequently I haven’t eaten much since Tuesday, but last night I ate a bowl of rice and lived to tell of it, so just went for that again this morning.  It is phenomenally boring.  

At one stage I had to take myself off to the quack for a sick certificate for work.  He told me I had the flux gastro, not to eat anything and gave me a list of things to buy from the chemist to ease the symptoms and lighten my bank balance.  Then he told me what he uses for his hay fever (eh?).  And he checked my pulse (it was fast) and blood pressure (it was low) for good measure.  I think he did this just so I wouldn’t be too outraged at the $94 bill the receptionist handed me when I came out of my 6 minute quackery consultation. 

I was still outraged.

Anyway, I’m on the mend…not quite ready for a 3 course meal but optimistic that lunch will be something other than rice.  A Jacob’s cream cracker perhaps?

Every cloud…

 One of the few benefits of being home from work sick is that there is little to do but rest and read blogs (and Kindles).  And eventually, when feeling up to it, write a long overdue blog post.

So here it is.  In my last post I mentioned ‘change’.  You may be wondering if there has been any change, and if so, what was the nature of that change. You’ll be thinking it obviously wasn’t a change to the regularity of my posts that’s for sure.

Well, there has been some change but so far it’s been pretty subtle.  I feel like I’m starting to settle into myself a bit.  I’m not feeling so angsty and a lot of the questions I’ve been asking over the past couple of years I’m finally managing to answer.  I’ve always known that I had the answers, but for a while now I’ve had a lot of trouble accessing that inner wisdom.  More on all that another time.

Other changes have been obvious, we’ve actually managed to find some time to move forward with some of the home renovations and painting etc.  That’s been good and I’ve been gratified at how much something as simple as a coat of paint can change the energy in a place.  I have a few furniture projects I’m working on and we have new flooring going down, hopefully before Christmas.  There will be photos.

I’m doing some things for myself which is nice including a couple of online courses, one is a Soulcollage® course through ‘Daily Om ‘.   I’ve only just started so haven’t created anything yet, but I’ll post a picture when I do.

So I feel as if I’m gradually  moving into a much saner headspace than I‘ve been in for a while.  I hope it continues.

Change

I can’t decide whether it’s just the thought of spring coming or whether it’s real. I feel a change coming. Something is stirring, little whispers of ideas and plans. Nothing substantial and often the thoughts slip away, the way dreams do, before I can fully grasp them. But somewhere inside I have a ‘feeling’. It’s a vague ‘feeling’ but it’s definitely a feeling.

Once upon a time this would have driven me to distraction. I would have been frantically scanning the recesses of my mind, feeling frustrated and annoyed that I couldn’t get to work on whatever it is. These days I have been learning a new way to deal with this. I just sit with it. I don’t force it. I take the little bits that come to me and examine them and put them away until some other piece comes and I look at that, maybe add it to the other piece like a mental jigsaw puzzle, maybe discard it, maybe start a new puzzle. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. And that’s ok too.

I don’t really know what this is about. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t even know if it is anything at all. Strange thing is…I don’t mind not knowing all that because what I DO know that it will all unfold exactly as it should with or without any help from me.

Kindle

After initially feeling some resistance to the whole idea of ‘e-readers’ I was eventually convinced by my sisters to get a Kindle. Like most of you I love books, I have several large bookcases throughout the house bursting at their seams and groaning under the weight of the books therein. I love the smell of books and the feel of their pages, but most of all I love the words. And that is what finally convinced me.

I do buy books for the whole experience but mostly it’s what’s IN them that I want. The stories, the information, the ‘facts’ and the questions they answer and also the questions they prompt. When my sisters starting tell me about the books they were downloading to their Kindles my interest was aroused. Then they sent me an Amazon voucher towards my very own Kindle so I could share in the Kindle conversations.

So I ordered one.

It arrived yesterday and I downloaded a few classics to begin my Kindle reading experience. I’m impressed. The screen is cleverly designed to look like a book, it’s small and light (and having recently read a 1,000 page tome which was absolute hell to read in bed - SO heavy! - I’m a bit sold on ‘light’). I’m currently reading Bram Stoker’s ‘Dracula’ (which was free to download, lots of out-of-copyright classic books are free).

I’m enjoying the experience. I like that I can carrying 3,500 books around in my handbag…I’ve no idea why I like that. Perhaps it’s because I’m often reading more than one book – a fiction, a non-fiction, maybe a textbook etc - I’ll pick up one depending on my mood but can’t possibly carry them all everywhere with me. Now I can. It could be that, or maybe I’m just crazy.

This certainly doesn’t mean I won’t ever buy another book, there are some books that are just too beautiful and special to be owned in any other way. But it does mean that I can have an even wider reading experience, particularly with books I don’t necessarily want to have on the shelves but just want the enjoyment of reading.

Summary. I like it.

All images www.amazon.com

Spring Equinox 2010

Well Spring may not have quite sprung but it’s definitely on it’s way.  After a very, very wet winter (YAY!!) everything is SO green and lush and beautiful.  The dams are full and as I drove home this morning I had to stop the car and admire the view several times.  It was one of those still mornings where the water is like a sheet of glass and the reflections crystal clear.  I’d have taken a photo but I didn’t have the camera and the iPhone just wasn’t up to the task.

Trees are beginning to bud and some enthusiastic specimens are even putting on a blossom show already. 

Our Spring Equinox celebrations should have been at a music festival this evening (how perfect!), however I am home again with a still sick child (second ear infection in as many weeks) so we may have to forego that. 

In the interest of acknowledging the turning of wheel I shall however plan some low key events for the evening.  A family dinner with vases of blossom on the table, candles, music and a toast to that frilly show-off that is Springtime.

Happy Equinox to you all (be it Spring or Autumn depending on your hemisphere).

Evidence of my intolerance

Hello, my name is Caitlin and I’m gluten intolerant.

I’ve avoided writing about this, partly because I’m pretty sure no-one wants to hear the revolting details of my gastro-intestinal issue and partly because it’s really boring and partly because ‘gluten free’ is such a fad at the moment and I hate being on bandwagons.

Lots of people are gluten free for general health and wellbeing reasons and that’s fine. But it’s never been for me. I like all the stuff that has gluten in it and long ago decided that going gluten free was not a lifestyle that I’d ever adopt.

Admittedly my relationship with gluten has always been a bit fractious, it didn’t make me sick, but it did often leave me feeling bloated and uncomfortable. I was willing to ignore that to experience the joy of a hot ham and cheese croissant or a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. Until recently that is.

A few months ago I started to experience some unpleasant symptoms in the form of a way too regular upset tummy. I can honestly say that in the beginning I did not relate it to gluten. It gradually got worse so that often, after eating, I’d have extremely nasty tummy upsets preceded by horrible, excruciating stomach pains and nausea. To cut a very long story short I eventually narrowed it down to gluten. I went off gluten and it went away. I ate gluten again and it came back with a vengeance. I visited my doctor, tests were carried out and the result is I can’t eat gluten.

The end.

Except for the fact that I am HATING it. I miss bread, I miss real pasta, I want a cinnamon bun and a turkey, rocket and cranberry baguette from my favourite coffee shop.

I can’t have any of those things. Oh yes, people cheerfully point out that there are lots of gluten free options these days…and there are,…but they’re not the same. I hate that I can’t just go and make a sandwich, I can’t have any biscuit I fancy with my coffee, I even have to have special soy sauce in my stir fry. No more porridge for breakfast, muesli bars with my cup of tea, no warm bread straight from the breadmaker, no hot donuts at the beach, no fish and chips, no pizza, no tempura…need I go on?

I have to think about every single thing I eat, I have to read labels in the supermarket, I have to refuse the treats that are handed out at the weekly morning tea at work. And frankly, in most cases the gluten free options leave me cold. If made with GF flour they have an unappetising powdery texture and a vaguely odd flavour.

However, I am gradually coming to realise that this is my life now and I have to adapt. I won’t starve, I’m not dying and I’m sure there is a world of new taste experiences out there waiting to be explored. and most chocolate is ok for me. Things could be worse.

Just don’t eat a croissant in front of me.

Saturday mornings

Sometimes on a Saturday morning I listen to the busy sounds of ‘other people’.  They’re all out there mowing their lawns and hanging their washing and playing with their kids and sanding their latest projects and…well you get the idea.

Saturday mornings for me are quite different.  During the week I am up every day at 5.30am and fall exhausted into bed at 10.30 if I’m lucky.  Only then do I relax and read for half an hour or so before turning out the light usually after smacking myself in the face with my book several times as I doze off reading.

So by Saturday morning I have no intention of getting up and launching into vigorous activity.  In fact on a Saturday morning I spend a long time in my pyjamas.  I drink a whole pot of coffee over the course of the morning, graze on the few things I can actually eat these days, read blogs, send emails, farm my farm, browse magazines, stare out the window and generally do absolutely nothing productive.  It’s bliss, it really is.

For a while I felt guilty about all the things my poor neglected house needs to have done to it.  I kept thinking I needed to get up and just get on with domestic chores and be a good housekeeper.  Wash those filthy windows and dust the top of the picture frames.  But the fact is I just can’t.  I’m busy, I’m tired and I am learning to focus my energy (or lack of it) in ways that make sense.  And if that means having one totally lazy, slovenly, unproductive morning a week then so be it.

 

Blogging stamina

I have none.  I had a good go for a few days there and then lost my energy for it and it all came to a standstill again.

Never mind, I’m not giving up.

Not much to report here, Hannah has finally recovered enough to go back to school. She ended up with an ear infection and slight perforation to the ear drum.  She doesn’t do things by halves that girl.

So life has returned to relative normality. 

It’s almost the weekend (huzzah!) and I am absolutely knackered and can’t wait to have a couple of days off.

Roll on Friday 5pm!

Plague House

I make no secret of (or apology for) the fact that I love winter.  It’s by far my favourite season, and yes, even when in the icy, grey, rainy, windy climes of Scotland it was still my favourite.  I would sooner tolerate freezing cold than heat any day.  In fact, I’ve also made no secret of the fact I loathe the heat.  My legion of long time readers will attest to this. But that’s another post (or several, come summer when the whining will commence).

This winter however has been one of the worst for ‘winter ailments’ in our family.  It seems like every two or three weeks another round of sore throats, coughs and sniffles descends upon us and Tom and I are either a) taking sick leave because we’re actually ill ourselves or b) taking ‘carer’s leave’ because one, or both, of the girls has it.

Once again I had to ring work this morning and make an apology for my absence due to a sick child.  Of course this means a day spent fussing and fetching and carrying and mopping the fevered brow of the little darling.  Fortunately she’s sick enough that she is actually lying quietly reading and has been doing that for the last three hours.  I hate the days that they perk up by lunchtime and annoy the bejesus out of me for the rest of the day.  I’m a great parent as you can see.

The upside is there was time for a blog post.  

Deluge

 It’s raining here and has been for several days. It may never stop.  I’m building my ark and have started gathering animals two by two, so far I have 3 rats (all female), 1 dog and 1 cat.  Clearly I’m not very good at this.

Due to the rain people are not complaining about the drought anymore, which is a relief.  However they are complaining about the rain. Sigh.

Our creek is overflowing and the Royal Adelaide Show has been rained on and flooded.

It hasn’t stopped people going.

 

We’re not going, we only go every two years.  That’s as much as I can stand.  This year is a good year NOT to go obviously.

That’s about it for now – it’s a slow news day at Bridget’s Flame. 

As you were.

Enough

Just lately I’ve been thinking about what is enough. Or at least when am I enough? When is what I have done or what I do enough?

This thinking has been the result of a bit of soul searching on my part. Something I’ve avoided for quite some time because the trouble with searching is sometimes you find stuff and it’s not always pretty. However, my constant discontentment has forced me to take the advice I usually give to my clients and ‘go within’ just a little bit.

I’ve told you about my new job, how much I like it and the people I work with it and they seem to like me too. I also whined about the decisions I had to make about more study or continue with the business etc. I won’t go on about it again, I still don’t know what I’m doing. Anyway….what I have realised is that this is a bit of a pattern with me (at least in career terms). I run away from what I really want, find something that I quite like and will settle for, then decide that I have to BE MORE for this role so I start cramming my life with more hard work and study and angst about my abilities. Until one day I collapse in a heap of disillusion and depression and exhaustion – and slightly lose my mind for a little while. And then I start all over again.

Sigh.

Why do I do it, why am I constantly putting myself in the position of thinking I have to be more, always more. Never ok just as I am, never ENOUGH.

Jennifer Louden writes about the ‘Hounds of More’ she says “Hounds of More are petrified you won’t be able to do what you most yearn to do in your life, so they keep you running in circles, chasing your—and their!—tails.”

Mine are there, always snapping at my ankles making me go faster, search harder, grasp at more, and more and more. So much to do and learn and achieve and BE!

When in actual fact I don’t think I really want any more – at least not that stuff. I want a peaceful life, I want to plant a herb garden and draw again and grow some vegetables and walk the dog and play with the children.

I just haven’t quite worked out how to pacify the hounds.

Memory

Isn’t memory a strange thing? Well perhaps not memory itself but the way it manifests (or fails to). Let me explain. I had a completely exhausting week last week. We have long days anyway, with both of us working full time and the girls in before and after school care every day, but last week 4 nights out of 5 we had ‘other activities’ to attend which made for very long days away from home. Places to go, people to see you know. Add to that three very disturbed nights for me (for various reasons) and I was left utterly knackered.

So yesterday afternoon I decided to have a little nap and took myself off to bed for an hour. Lying there, slightly demented from tiredness, my mind began to wander into those mysterious places it goes been waking and sleep. I suddenly had a very comforting image of a house that I love very much. I don’t know who it belongs to but I’ve always admired it when we drove past. It sits near the top of a gently sloping hill, and is surrounded by beautiful trees. It has a small fenced field close to the house where live two chocolate brown, velvety faced donkeys. There’s just something about that house that makes me feel peaceful and content and only slightly (ahem) envious of the people lucky enough to live there.

This isn’t it, but it’s not unlike it. Photo credit here

In my semi-slumber I thought ‘we must take a drive past it so I can see it. Where is it again?’ After a few moments confusion and delving into memory I recalled where it was. I also recalled that I hadn’t been there in more than 20 years. It was in Scotland, on a road we sometimes took home which my mother referred to as the ‘wee road’. We’d leave town and Mum would say to Dad ‘can we drive home on the wee road’. We all knew what she meant, it was the ‘scenic route’ and we all loved it. Part of it took us down a narrow road past a farm, in spring and summer there were always wildflowers growing at the side of the road and we’d stop and pick them. The road had steep banks and hedgerows and as we picked the flowers the Highland Cows in the field would peer curiously over the hedges at us.

Photo by John Toms

I was a sucker for those gentle brown eyes and silky noses.

Now I can understand that is a happy memory and I guess that somewhere in my mind something triggered that place and I probably needed that sense of comfort that it gave me. But I can’t helping feeling that ‘memory’ is a miraculous thing and a little strange. It was vivid, I could see it and feel it and smell it, for a short time it fooled my sleepy mind into thinking it was a recent memory, but it wasn’t.

I really believe we have access to everything we need inside ourselves. In the past few days I’ve had lots of realisations and epiphanies about things. I think there’s something in that memory for me examine too, I just have to work out what it is.

The winter of my discontent

I’m quite surprised to find myself here writing a blog post so I can only imagine how surprised anyone reading it might be.

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about this blog recently, shall I keep it?, should I stop completely?, should I try to do one post a week?…do I need anymore ‘to do’ or ‘shoulds’ in my life? ‘should I continue to use appalling grammar?’

I don’t know.  I used to enjoy it (the blog not the bad grammar), I don’t anymore.  It’s not that I don’t have thoughts and feelings and plans and ‘stuff’ happening that I could write about.  I just don’t like it here anymore.  I still like the idea of blogging, I just don’t like this blog.  I’ve moved on, grown out of it, changed my direction (or should I say my directionless-ness, for I don’t think I’ve had any real direction for a long time and now I just have a new set of directionless issues).

I’d still like to talk about what I’m thinking, what’s happening Chez Bridget’s Flame, who annoys me, makes me happy, makes me laugh, frustrates me, inspires me and so on.  And I’m sure everyone is dying to hear all that crap fascinating information.

With spring just around the corner here in the arse end of the world, perhaps I will suddenly have a new lease on my blogging life and feel inspired to re-invent my blog identity. 

Perhaps.

Photo credit this blog right here

Couldn’t resist this photo…I love winter but the image still made me smile.

Chapter 3 – The girl who hasn’t a clue

I hope you haven’t all died of anticipation waiting for me to continue this fascinating study of my life.

I won’t keep you waiting a moment longer…

One of the things that I’ve liked about working at my new workplace is the encouragement I’ve had from senior people, I’ve had discussions with a couple of them and they have talked to me about the organisation’s mentoring program (to assist staff move forward on a career path). They’ve also asked me questions about my qualifications and plans for further study. They recognise that I’m not working in my field and that I have skills and qualifications to do much more than I am doing in this role. There are lots of very interesting jobs within this organisation and if I’m going to be working, I wouldn’t mind doing something in this educational sector.

I was recently offered a place on a Masters Program; I would be doing a Master of Education with a speciality in Cognitive Psychology and Educational Practice – which is just a fancy way of saying ‘how people learn’. The managers here were very approving of that.

The thing is…do I really want to commit to years of study (I’d have to do it very part time)? Also, do I actually want a career anymore? I’ve been down that road and chose to leave. I wanted to run my business and be around for my children. Years of working full time and studying part time is not conducive to family life, especially as Tom is working on a Masters himself, so I’ve been picking up a lot of extra ‘home duties’ to support him in his studies. Is this really how I want my future to be? Working all week and studying all weekend? Maybe I would be better to stay with this job (which isn’t too onerous) and spend a little bit of time gradually building my business until it’s at the stage that I can leave work and do only that.

I have to admit I enjoy studying and there is a part of me that would love to get my Masters. I’m just not sure how much I want that. How much of it is a genuine desire for a future in education and how much is it my ego wanting to show the world I can do it?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions and that is my dilemma. Somehow along the way I have totally lost sight of what I really want and I don’t know how to find that again. But the other problem could be that there are too many possibilities.  Poor little princess.

I know it probably sounds pretty pathetic – there are people in the world with REAL problems and here I am fretting about what to do with my life. But this is the only life I’ve got and I want to make it count AND be happy if that’s possible. I want to be a good example to my children AND be around for them. I want to earn my own money AND be free.

Not much to ask really, is it? No. I didn’t think so either.

Delay

Apologies for the delay…I have no computer access.  The story will continue as soon as that is rectified.

Chapter 2 - The girl who is

So I found myself on my first temping assignment. I was quite pleased because it was with an educational organisation, but one with a ‘spiritual’ focus. It is also the organisation that oversees the sector to which my daughters’ school belongs. I was to spend a month covering for someone who was on leave.

The minute I walked in I felt at home, the people were nice, the atmosphere was peaceful and while at first I found it unusual to be working in an environment where every meeting began with a prayer, I didn’t object. It didn’t take me long to find my way around and I’ve always been independent so I wasn’t constantly seeking help or reassurance. Basically I just got on with it and everyone seemed really pleased that I did. I got a lot of praise. I felt I was only doing what I was being paid to do at the level I was used to performing. Others felt I was excelling in some way. Go figure. Within a week my immediate manager was making comments about ‘keeping me on’ and telling anyone who’d listen what a ‘God-send’ I was and generally singing my praises high and low. It was nice, if not slightly disconcerting. I really wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. She spoke to people in other areas and soon I was being asked to do small projects for other people. I continued to do this for a month and then my time was up. The assistant director invited me to a meeting and asked me to stay on for another month working in her area with some other senior people. I agreed. At that time she also strongly encouraged me to apply for a vacancy that was coming up. So I started in the new area and they arranged for me to do four days with them and a fifth day with another team in need of the kind of project support I do. It’s a lovely mix. I’ve had lots of interesting projects to work on and done some fascinating research and data analysis. I also applied for the job as suggested and pretty much just got on with my work.

To cut a long story short, my application was welcomed, I interviewed for the position (there were other applicants too) and yesterday they offered me the job and I accepted. That should be the happy ending shouldn’t it? And it is, in many ways. I actually love it here. It’s an organisation that is a good match for a) my career interests b) my personal values and c) my academic goals.

So why am I not jumping for joy?

I’ll try and explain tomorrow.

Chapter 1 – The girl who was

I’ve never really planned my career but I’ve had quite a good working life. I got a qualification, got a job, did well, got better jobs and kept doing that for a quite a long time, moving upwards, gaining skills and experience and occasionally taking little detours into new areas. Along the way I did some ‘personal development’ learned some stuff and started doing bits and pieces on the side, building what eventually became a little business.

About 3 years ago I found myself working in tertiary education as a lecturer a couple of days a week and running my business on another day (sometimes two) as well as studying for a Bachelor degree in Adult Education. My business was rewarding, I ran courses and workshops for women, mostly in personal and spiritual development, but with a bit of career planning from time to time (I’m enjoying the irony of THAT these days). I also taught meditation. People liked my courses and asked for more. It was all good, well; perhaps not ALL good…I was pretty bored lecturing. I like to teach but I’d been teaching the same courses for years and was a bit over them. It wasn’t easy to make changes in that regard due the ‘culture’ of the organisation. I felt a bit stuck. I was also totally burnt out and exhausted from doing so much. I eventually decided to leave my job.

I had plans to concentrate on my business and build it up, which would give me the freedom to be around for my children, able to do school runs and attend activities and generally have the best of both worlds. My degree was finished, I’d left my job and the world was my oyster. It was about then I had a minor melt down. I can’t explain what happened; I just didn’t do what I said I was going to do. I’d have little flurries of activity with the business then I’d do nothing. No business was forthcoming. I picked up the kids, ran the house and cleared out the linen cupboard but I didn’t work on the business. That went on for about 18 months.

It was decided that I should get a job. I’m not quite sure who decided that but I know it wasn’t me. So I started job hunting. The trouble with that was that I had no clue what I was looking for. In the end, after a number of false starts and disappointments I decided to just find some admin work to get me back ‘out there’ and then start thinking about what I would do. I got a job quite quickly and I won’t bore you with the details but I spent 9 months in absolute misery. It was the worst employment experience of my life. I hated every minute of it and that level of misery is not conducive to forward planning – not for me anyway. I had to get out so in desperation I signed up with an agency to do some admin temping. I thought doing that would allow me to keep working, pick and choose when I work and start to try and make some decisions about my future. I had a lot of skills and experience not to mention qualifications; I just needed to find a good fit for all that.

One week after signing up with the agency I was offered a temping assignment. It was for a month (that is unusual in itself for a temping job) with an educational organisation. Result.

I’ll tell you all about that tomorrow.

Yulish stuffs

Yuletide greetings from the Southern Hemisphere. Here I am writing from my blog called ‘Bridget’s Flame’ a Solstice goddess whose flame will pierce the darkness.  Here I am celebrating the Winter Solstice, with all its symbolism around rebirth (of the Sun), introspection and planning for the future. Here I am among all this and with absolutely no idea what the future holds for me.

I have spent yet another 24 hours immersed in the ‘internal debate’ I mentioned in my previous post. Thoughts, plans and ideas playing tag in my head until I thought it might explode and fall right off and into my cornflakes. I’m tired, tired of thinking, tired of being confused and tired of holding on so tightly and having to know NOW. This minute. IMMEDIATELY!

So, when faced with a dilemma of such momentous proportions, I decided to do what any sensible girl would do… I consulted my astrologer.  She said;

“The course of Venus brings you to an even deeper level of thought. Realisations of what motivates you, what really makes you happy in the core of your being, rise to the surface and bloom in the light of consciousness. A freedom and a responsibility in one. ‘For am I now seeking the favour of men, or of God? - St. Paul’”.

Right then. Lovely as it was (thanks St Paul) that didn’t really help, it just confirmed my confusion.

So I did the next logical thing and moved on to my Goddess Tarot iPhone app. For we all know that nothing answers life’s little questions like an iPhone app. It said ‘it is time for us to take our fantasies and transform them into reality’. At first I thought that meant I should make that call to Johnny Depp but it probably didn’t. Unfortunately.

Sigh.

I’ve already said that this week I’m going to blog it all out. A great spewing forth of all the revolting mixed up-ness that has been accumulating in my head for some time now.  It’s not life and death. It’s not even that important in the grand scheme of things. In fact at times it will make me sound like a whiny, ungrateful little pain in arse.  Sorry about that.

Because really, what have I got to complain about? With my health and my education and my family and a roof over my head and food to eat and shiny things to play with.

Yeah. Well unfortunately saying all that doesn’t make it go away, it doesn’t ease my confusion or pull me up by my bootstraps or help me make decisions about how I want my life to be.

So…tonight I’ll light a candle, meditate on the solstice, fly my freak flag from the tallest tower and then tomorrow… I will begin.

Solstice blessings to you all.

Honest blogging

After my post today I received a lot of encouragement and support via comments and emails.  I was invited over to Laoi’s blog (I think she actually said ‘ahem! please go and see my blog young lady’) so I went…and this was there waiting for me…..

along with these words….

* Speak our truth from the heart and tell it like it is.
* Share openly and honestly our true feelings without fear of judgement, Blame or shame.
* We write to share our achievements so others can also share our joy.
* We write about our bad times too, knowing that the love and support of others is around us and perhaps heal another’s pain in the process..
*We are human beings will real feelings and emotions and REFUSE to hide behind a mask.
* We dare to be different
* We are Free Spirits
* We realise that by spilling out, we lighten our load.
* We acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses and don't see them in terms of success or failure.
* We laugh together and cry together
* We are all following our own journey in our own unique way

Thank you so very much Laoi, I need to get all this stupid crap out of my head and my blog is really the best place to do it and I am so grateful that you have all made it clear to me that it’s ok to do that.   So this week I’m going to write it…all of it…even the horrible, ugly, ego driven stuff that I’m not proud of AT ALL.

Brace yourselves people.

The world turns

Well here I am again, popping up when you least expect it. Life is no less busy, the temporary job I was doing was extended another four weeks, that four weeks is up next Friday but they don’t seem to have any plans to let me go. 

I’m a bit conflicted about it all, I like working there even though the work is not what I normally do.  I know it won’t challenge me for long (it doesn’t really challenge me now but it’s interesting enough to hold my attention).   It’s a nice working environment and probably has some potential for future work that is more in my field.   However I sometimes can’t help feeling I’m just ‘settling’ for something less than I am capable of and avoiding stepping out into the world and actually doing something I want to do.

One of the reasons I haven’t been blogging is that my life is just full of this incessant internal dialogue of whining and moaning and indecision and it seems grossly unfair to inflict others with it.  I bore myself, it certainly wouldn’t be entertaining for anyone else.

So I’ll continue my inner debate and occasionally pop by to let you know I’m still alive.

In the meantime if anyone has any idea how I can get my mojo back I’m all ears.

 

Working for the man

Well actually I seem to be working for the Lord.  Last Thursday I started the temporary job I was offered (hence my absence). 

This particular role is with a large educational organisation, would it give you a hint if I said I had to get used to seeing pictures of the Pope everywhere and it’s the only place I’ve ever worked that has a chapel? I’m guessing it would.

I’m working with a team of numeracy consultants who basically train teachers in the methods for teaching numeracy in schools.  Interesting work.

This workplace is the antithesis of my last workplace.  The pace is gentler, not that it isn’t busy, just a different attitude to the busy-ness.  It’s all women (you may recall in my last position I worked in a team of 14 and I was the ONLY woman).  Obviously the motivation is quite different in this workplace.   They have a commitment to learning and education where spirituality isn’t a dirty word. It’s early days but so far I like it. Not that I should get too used to it as it is only for a month.

Anyway, being back at work full time will curb my blogging habits but I’ll try and get here when I can.

Countdown

I only have two days until I have to start work full time again (only for a month though).  All of a sudden, after having nearly 4 weeks off,  I’ve thought about a load of things I need to do.

So now I’m frantically trying to do them.

Blogging isn’t one of them.

I don’t know why I do this, maybe I overestimate the time I have available or underestimate what needs to be done. Or maybe I just hide and procrastinate.  After all I wouldn’t want to succeed would I?

One day I need to think about this. In the meantime I need to get on with some work so please excuse the brief post while I try to do something productive.

Anzac Day 2010

Lest we forget…

Not socks

Just a quick post today.  I don’t have much computer access at the moment as Tom is  hogging the laptop  working on his essay.  We really must invest in a second computer. So instead I am ‘enjoying’ domestic duties such as washing, ironing, cleaning the bathroom and my favourite…picking up the dog pooh from the back garden.  You had no idea my life was so glamorous did you?

This afternoon, however, will be dedicated to genuinely enjoyable pursuits.  I’m finishing the hat I started for myself last winter…

…excuse the terrible photo, taken with my phone right in front of the window (because I was too lazy to get up and do a better job). What you can’t see is that is a lovely lavender coloured ‘tweed’ yarn.  Check out the three needles…I’m still impressed with myself that I can actually knit that way now, because seriously, I’m usually pretty inept with that sort of thing.  Anyway, I’ll post a photo of the finished article - soon I hope.

So that’s my Saturday, what does this day hold for you?

Today’s news

I got the temporary position I was hoping for.  It starts next Thursday and is only for a month.  Which is perfect.   More about that in another post.

I had lunch today with some friends from my previous place of employment.  The girl who replaced me also came to lunch and I was gratified to hear that it’s just as crap as I thought it was.   Lunch was delicious, the company was excellent and the gin and tonic was perfect.

I did some grocery shopping this afternoon.  It was tedious.  I totally loathe shopping.

Then I went to the pet shop and bought the rats a wheel and a salt lick and I got Jack some pig’s ears and a rawhide bone.  He still chews everything he can get his teeth on so I’m constantly trying to distract him with things he’s actually ALLOWED to chew.

Steak and salad for dinner tonight.

End of another day.

 

Sunshiny

In true Autumn fashion we are experiencing schizophrenic weather conditions, one day cool and raining, then sunny, then wild winds and thunder storms, then dry but crisp, then warm but raining (ugh – humidity) and so on.  Yesterday was cool and raining, today is sunny and warmish.

Since it was nice outside I decided to put our Rattus Norvegicus girls out for a bit of air.  They were very excited with the fresh breeze and new smells and Jack was beside himself with joy to find them in such close proximity.

Apart from that it’s just washing and ironing and preparing dinner and other mundane tasks today.  I’m not complaining though, at least I’m at home.

Blissful sigh.

What’s next?

The girls went back to school today.  When I left work (3 weeks ago) I said I’d take the school holidays off and then perhaps do some temping, or get something happening with the business or, worst case scenario, get another job. Gah.

So, right about now I am contemplating these options.  I have registered with an agency (recruitment and temping) and it’s just a case of wait and see.  I’m unsure about the business because if I start something then get a job I won’t be able to continue with it.  A dilemma. In the meantime I’m trying to enjoy a little bit more time at home (without panicking too much over the electricity bill). 

One of things I’m thinking about doing is some more knitting.  Last time my sister was here she showed me how to knit socks (using 4 needles).  I knitted my first pair…

..not perfect I admit but my first attempt and I was pretty pleased with myself.

So much so that I decided I was going to make socks for everyone I knew.  So I went to my favourite sock yarn site and bought two skeins…(I know more than two people, that was just to start with…in theory)…    
 

…but didn’t knit another stitch.  Well that’s not entirely true, I knitted Tom a hat and started a hat for myself (last winter) but then it all got busy and depressing and I knitted no more. I am now feeling ready to embark on a project.  I’m not quite ready for socks yet (need to ease myself in) but I do like this little scarf.   So I’m going to have a go at it. 

Link for scarf

Watch this space for photos of either, a scarf looking rather like that one above, or a lump bearing a closer resemblance to something the dog brought up.

Quick post

The girls go back to school tomorrow after their two week break, so today is a whirlwind of preparation and not much time for blogging.

I had a day off yesterday, we’d been so busy and had a couple of late nights and I was tired.  We ended up having a quiet day at home, Tom worked on an essay and I just puttered about.  I did find a pattern that got me all enthused for knitting again (more about that in another post) and that then led me to Ravelry which I hadn’t visited for some time.  It was nice to reconnect there although it can be even more addictive than Facebook.

So now I must go and drag out winter school uniforms, make sure everything is in good repair (which I think it is because I checked before I put them away last spring).  

The Handless Maiden, Wolves and the Voice of the Earth

I’m still dwelling on the week that was. I’ve never been one to just accept ‘what is’ I always examine and analyse and consider.  I look at the externals and assess the situation then I look at the internals (a much scarier place) and wonder at the stuff that goes on inside.  I notice the symbols and synchronicities and marvel at how it all works.  Often at the end of all this I’m none the wiser, but just sometimes I see a pattern or a message I should be aware of (yes, I’m also an over-thinker at times).

This week has been particularly interesting.  First of all…wolves.  Everywhere.  I turn on the television and there are wolves (not just once….THREE TIMES), I open a book and more wolves, I do a Facebook quiz and get the wolf, someone tells me a story….about wolves (completely random and out of the blue).  Anyway, you get the idea…wolves are all around me.   My Druid Animal Oracle tells me the wolf is about ‘Intuition, Learning and the Shadow’. 

I’ve been having some really strange and vivid dreams too.  The ultimate was when I dreamt that someone had cut off my hands.  It wasn’t gory or frightening, I didn’t dream the actual cutting, just the aftermath and an ‘oh crap, this is going to inconvenient' moment.   It’s been 15 years since I read ‘Women Who Run with the Wolves’ (wolves again) but I’ve revisited that to re-read ‘The Handless Maiden’, a story about bargains and initiation and the shadow and so much more.  My favourite quote from the author’s interpretation of the story is "Though we hate to admit it, over and over again the poorest bargain of our lives is the one we make when we forfeit our deep knowing life for one that is far more frail; when we give up our teeth, our claws, our sense, our scent; when we surrender our wilder natures for a promise of something that seems rich but turns out hollow instead..’ Hmmm, what poor bargain have I made?

I also dreamt that a group of youths looking ‘tribal’ broke into my house – I had to fight them…and I did, quite successfully.  Then I went to their leader and told him it was ok, no harm done, just go away and don’t bother me again.  And they did. 

Make of that what you will.  A Jungian psychologist could have a field day with that lot.

Finally, last night as I was sitting quietly meditating on all of this there was a loud bang then a slow rumbling that built up to a fairly significant vibrating and died down again slowly – it all happened over a period of 10 – 15 seconds but it felt a lot longer.  I knew what it was immediately and after the initial adrenalin rush I relaxed into it.  I knew that Mother Earth was feeling just as restless and unsettled as I was, she was having a stretch and bit of a grumble, finding a new level and letting us know she’d done it.  Now there’s a lesson I need to learn.

P.S. Small earthquake on a local fault – 3.8 magnitude. 

Snow balling busy-ness

I’ve had a frustrating week for a variety of reasons.  It seems like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.  I’ve even managed to get some people off-side and well…let’s face it…mad at me.  Sigh.  I’m SO over it all.  I have found this week to be incredibly draining, both physically and emotionally.

I had hoped for at least one day at home, with nothing to do but potter and enjoy some peace and maybe do a little business work – it hasn’t happened.  And it’s not going to happen today either.   We have a birthday party to attend for one of Aislin’s friends and that in itself isn’t a problem.  However, I have offered to arrive early to help set up etc (I know what it’s like organising a child’s party), I also have volunteered to pick up another child and take them to the party as their mother is working (I know what that’s like too).  We also have to stop and buy a birthday present as I’ve been so busy all week I haven’t had a chance to do that yet.   So I’ve managed to create some extra running around for myself, it’s not frantic – just time consuming and ultimately tiring.  And I’m already very tired.

I would sell my soul for a week, ALL ALONE at the beach house.  But I won’t be getting that any time soon either.

Here ends the self-pity post.

 

Another door opens…

Within a few hours of yesterday’s disappointment I received a call from the agency about a job that had just come in.  They felt I was ideally suited to the role and asked me to come in (again) for a chat about it.  I agreed and I’m going in this afternoon.

The only thing is this position is a full time, permanent one.  It’s a good job, again writing curriculum and coordinating learning and development within an organisation.  I should be happy and I am…sort of.  I’m just not sure I want something quite so…committed.   I’d really like something similar to that, interesting company, challenging work, utilising my skills, experience and my degree, but part time, maybe 2 or 3 days a week.  I’m sure a job like that, with my name on it, exists.  Just not sure where. 

Working full time is a bit of a nightmare the way it impacts on family life, leave early, home late, always rushing.  Also not being able to get to things at school and always being busy and tired. It’s no fun.  It also leaves me no time to work on the business (which is my ultimate goal).

So, I don’t know what will happen today – it may not be suitable once we talk about it so I’ll be back to square one.  I still feel like I’m in some strange, unsettled place with the future uncertain.  I’m not enjoying this at all. Which seems a bit ungrateful, I know I’m lucky to be in a position where I can be offered good, well paid jobs, but is it really too much to ask to have something a bit more suited to family life (not to mention my sanity)?

Oops!

I nearly forgot to blog!  I’ve been busy since yesterday and hardly had to time have a cup of tea never mind blog.  I finally had a quiet moment, checked my emails and had a peak at Facebook and was just thinking I should go and get that casserole in the oven when I was overcome with the nagging feeling that I’d forgotten to do something…and I had.

So, I had a slight disappointment today.  I have decided that until I get my act together and decide what I’m really going to do with my life I will do some temporary and short contract work.  I rang an agency on Monday who just happened to have an ideal position available and were having trouble filling it – they were very excited to hear from me.  It was an instructional design role, writing training curriculum for a big company.  It was temporary but that’s fine I want temporary.  I set up an interview with the agency (the official registering with them bit) and went in today.  Sadly, that position had been withdrawn.  I was a little disappointed but still went through the testing and interview and the consultant felt confident that there would be something suitable in the future.  I said I’d do admin work or whatever until something else came along.  She wants to avoid me doing that for too long as it’s ‘not a match for my high level skill set’ ha.  Anyway, I'm not ready to jump off a bridge or anything as I’m sure there will be something else along any minute. Ahem.

If it’s Tuesday….

…it must be swimming lessons.  Not for me you understand but for my daughters. But not until this afternoon.  This morning I am continuing to work on business type stuff.  It’s nice, Jack is asleep on my feet under the desk, he always lies there when I work.  When I was working ‘outside the home’ I missed having him there with me.  Apparently they had some stupid rule that said people couldn’t take their dogs to work. We all consoled ourselves and each other by looking at photos of each others’ dogs, praising their loveliness and talking about them a lot.  We did a bit of work as well but that wasn’t as much fun.

Later on I shall meet ‘M’ and retrieve my children and take said children to their swimming lesson.   Then I have to come home and cook for the freezer (that is cook food to put in the freezer not cook food for the freezer to eat, but I’m pretty sure you’d worked that out yourselves).

I did manage to do some work yesterday and I’ve made a bit of a start this morning.  After reading about Dave’s gorgeous new live-in lady and shedding a tear over Laoi’s civil war letter and reading numerous other blog posts of course. 

But now…back to it.

Shhh…you didn’t see me

Today a friend (I shall call her 'M’ – nothing to do with James Bond) insisted on taking my children off my hands and caring for them overnight on the proviso that I spent the free time working on some business projects.  These projects are overdue because it’s been almost impossible to work on them while the children have been here (school holidays). ‘M’ is a strong supporter of my getting the business off the ground and having MY two children also means HER two children are occupied which allows her to …well I don’t know what she’ll do but whatever, it’s a win-win.

So here I am sitting at the computer working on the projects.  No, well spotted…I’m NOT am I?  I’m blogging and eating my way through a large tub of mango yoghurt.  I’m desperately trying to stay off Facebook and ignore Farmville…what is wrong with me??  I finally have some desperately needed free time and I’m faffing about on useless pursuits (well blogging isn’t a useless pursuit and the yoghurt is delicious but you get my drift). 

I had intended to share my misery with you today but that will be a long post I suspect and I’d better do something more productive.  I’m pretty sure ‘M’ will insist on seeing evidence of how I spent my time, and a lengthy, depressing blog post about hard done by I am will not impress her.  At all.

 

Where are all the memes when you need one?

I have no news since yesterday.  Apart from the fact that we did complete those sewing projects* and I did watch two episodes of ‘Lost’** there’s not much else to report. 

Today will be even less exciting.  I have some grocery shopping to do (on a Sunday!) and then I have to cook (yuck).  Maybe some more ‘Lost’?  Or that art project I mentioned yesterday?  Who knows.  I have no expectations today.

Actually I’m feeling a little ‘bleh’ today.  The morning started well and it’s been downhill all the way since then.  I don’t know, life’s a bit of a roller coaster at the moment, more about that in another post (just make sure you take your anti-depressants before reading it – you know how tedious I am when I’m maudlin). 

Anyway, onwards and upwards.  Have a lovely Sunday preciouses (yes, I know it’s not a word).

* We made rat beds and rat hammocks.  No end to glamour round here.

** I started watching ‘Lost’ on DVD last winter.  I’m currently a series behind the TV episodes and I can’t rely on catching all the TV ones so I prefer to watch it at my own pace.  It’s been strangely addictive.   Anyway, Hannah saw a couple of early episodes with me then I decided it probably wasn’t suitable for a 9 year old (when I saw her running around with a water pistol tucked in the back of her jeans like a hand gun – yikes!).  I’ll put up my hand to a poor parenting moment there.  So she happened to walk in yesterday and saw me watching and said ‘so…what’s happened?’.  I nearly fell of my chair a) because she saw two episodes of series one and I’m watching the END of series 5 – that’s a lot of water under the bridge for the survivors of Oceanic 815 and b) because I have never seen such a complicated, convoluted and hard to follow TV show in my life, I think I know why they call it ‘Lost’ because half the time I AM!!   Honestly, I am hanging on by my fingernails trying to keep track of all the complexities myself  – there’s no way I could even begin to explain it to another person let alone a 9 year old.  Later on Tom walked in and stared at the TV for a minute then took a breath as if to say something….I said ‘please don’t ask’ so he said ‘ok’ and left.

I still love it though.

Habit Forming

Yes, here am I again…at the risk of giving Dave a heart attack I’m blogging 3 DAYS IN A ROW. I’m trying to get back into the habit of blogging.  ‘They’ say you have to do a thing for 3 weeks for it to become part of your normal routine.  I’m not sure who ‘they’ are or whether or not that’s true, or indeed whether I can manage to blog consistently for 3 weeks, but at least for today it’s giving me something to write about.  Wow, that was a long sentence (which is probably what it feels like you are serving as you read this drivel). 

My grammar is crap too you may notice. 

It’s Saturday here, raining again which is lovely after the long, hot, dry summer.  Tom will be working on an essay*, so he’ll be closeted away drinking tea, muttering and tearing at his hair.  Since he’ll be hogging the laptop** I have to find some other way to entertain myself, so the girls and I will embark on some sewing projects and an art project that is due***.   I also may watch a couple of episodes of ‘Lost’.   All in all a lovely way to spend my day I think.

*Not sure if I’ve mentioned Tom is back at University doing a Masters in Science and Public Policy? Well. He is.

** I still have my iPhone so I won’t be totally removed from my beloved interwebs and email.

*** I’m doing a ‘Creative Goddess’ e-course which involves lots of fun with my paints and pastels and other arty materials and little forays into Art Land.  Something I’ve been neglecting for years.

So…what does the weekend have in store for you my lovelies?

 

Feeling Autumnal

The weather is beginning to turn, it’s still in the mid to low twenties, so not cold yet, but wet and dull and overcast.  We’ve had some lovely rain and are having some more today with thunder storms to come.  My favourite kind of weather.  I love Autumn and Winter, I can honestly say those seasons are when I’m at my most contented and most….I don’t know…centred? At peace? Dare I say approaching happy?  Nah, let’s not get carried away there.  :-)

I had a wander in the garden this morning to check out the seasonal changes.  In a little neglected corner I found the first mushrooms of the season (we get lots) – already munched by small creatures.

The trees are beginning to turn…

...gold…

…and burgundy…

…and little raindrops are everywhere.

 

It was lovely. I came inside and sat in my office drinking coffee and listening to household sounds.  The  girls were playing a camping game and making Jack play with them.  He’s so tolerant and was quite happy to pretend to be their pet bear.  The washing machine was swishing gently, the clothes dryer humming and rain on the roof.  Such mundane and domestic sounds and yet soothing.

And then…before I knew it…I’d written a blog post!

How can it be so?

Apparently, according the dating system on blogger, I wrote that last post on 20th March.  I don’t believe this. It can’t possibly have been that long. Can it?

Where do the days go? It’s starting to freak me out a little.  A minute ago it was Christmas and now Easter has come and gone.  Did time speed up?  Can someone please explain this terrifying phenomenon to me? And please don’t say ‘it’s what happens when you get older’ because that will depress me even more.

I feel like my life is speeding past me like a runaway train.

And just so you know…I don’t like it.  Not one bit.

 

I am not a (party) animal

A couple of weeks ago we had a nice weekend planned.  The girls were at their cousins for a couple of days and Tom and I had a bit of peace and quiet to look forward to and a party to go to on the Saturday night.

The party was a birthday celebration for a friend of Tom’s.  We’d received the invitation a few weeks earlier and Tom asked if I’d like to go and I said ‘yes, that will be nice’. 

The weeks passed and the big day arrived and I thought ‘a party…meh’.  I’d even dutifully posted on Facebook that it was going to a be a good weekend, including the party in list of enjoyable things about to happen.  By the time party hour rolled round I was thoroughly disinterested.  It was cold and raining, the party was being held in a shed or barn or something and worst of all there were over 60 people invited - I only vaguely knew one of them.  I had a sudden realisation that I had absolutely no interest in attending this party.  In fact the very idea of having to go to this event, make small talk with strangers and generally socialise filled me dread.  I didn’t want to go.   I told Tom.  He was a bit disappointed but understanding.  After much thought and deliberation I decided not to go.  Tom said he’d go for a couple of hours.  I changed out of my party clothes and got into my PJs, poured myself a glass of wine and settled on the couch, with Jack at my side, and watched Midsomer Murders.  Happy.

I’ve since reflected on this (for the want of something better to do).  During this reflection I came to realise that I don’t like parties, I’ve never liked parties and I have, in fact, spent my whole life disliking parties and avoiding them where possible and enduring them when it’s not possible to avoid them.  I even remember as a child not particularly liking parties.   The same goes for clubs and organisations and conferences.

I’m not anti-social, I like spending time with people up to a point.  I’ve always been very happy in my own company but a nice gathering of close friends and family is fine.  A dinner party, or lunch with a small group is lovely.  I think my limit is 6 people before it becomes too much and too overwhelming for me. 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me (is there?).  I know I’m not alone in not enjoying certain social gatherings.  I’m past the point in my life where I feel I have to party like it’s 1999 (and that reference proves it).  I’m also past the point in my life where I have to pretend about such things and can actually say ‘thanks for the invitation, but I’m not really into parties but would love to catch up for a drink/coffee/dinner sometime’ and not make excuses or lie about phantom previous engagements.  

Does this mean I’m finally growing up? Or just getting old?

Where’s my parachute?

I've had trouble blogging for quite some time now (some of you may have noticed).  It’s not laziness or even busy-ness  that stops me (although I am busy) , it’s much more about the turmoil in my head.

I sit down and open up Live Writer then go blank.  I have no idea how to get my thoughts out of my head and onto the blog.  Sometimes I think ‘just write about anything’ but there is so much other ‘stuff’ it’s difficult to do even that.

It’s nothing terribly dramatic or cause for concern, just a kind of general confusion and angst.   You may recall that I have been working full time since last August.  I have blogged about it and made it clear that I don’t like the job.  I still don’t like it, in fact in December I tried 3 times to resign.  They talked me into staying – the general manager asked me to stay at least until February and see how I felt then  as a ‘personal favour’ to him.  It’s hard to say no to that without seeming unreasonable. February came and I felt the same way so I resigned again.  This time they believed I meant it and ‘reluctantly’ accepted my resignation.  Apparently they were very ‘disappointed’.  I don’t really care.  I finish there on 26 March. 

Now I feel a bit lighter but with something new to worry about.  How will I earn money?  What I really want to do is get my business going again and work from home as I used to.   Of course there is a lot of fear and trepidation and ‘what ifs’ around that.  Taking the leap, without any kind of real solid basis for taking the leap and without a working parachute (or any parachute at all if I’m honest).   In other words A RISK!!! Scary, scary stuff. 

Let’s hope I can fly.

Deprivation..or is it?

A week ago I temporarily deactivated my FB account. I needed to stay focussed on some other important jobs and it’s too easy to lose hours on the various sites and general internetting that I do.  So I have entered a period of what I thought would be web deprivation.

However, I’m here to report that it really hasn’t been as bad as I thought – the first two days were the worst.  A FB friend sent me a text message on day 2 asking how I was coping…I told him ‘crap’.  Then after another day or so I started to notice how much I was getting done (not blogging obviously).  I caught up on some work I was behind with, I listened to some teleclasses and audiobooks while I was working and got a little bit inspired to do some other things.  It’s been good. Really it has.

I have to confess that I do pop back to Facebook every few days to tend my farm for 15 minutes, then I shut it down again.  I also had to leave it open for a day so that a friend in Egypt could add me – but I didn’t spend any time there and as soon as he’d done that I closed it down again until I’m ready to be permanently open. 

I think eventually I will be able to reactivate it and just not spend as much time there, but to begin with I had to make it a bit more definite.    

Go me.

Jack

You may recall some months ago I wrote a post about our ‘new addition’. As he approaches his first birthday I thought an update was in order.

Back then he looked like this…

…now he looks like this - handsome… 

….he loves his family….

…and is a creature of habit…. 

…and with the current decorating and renovations going on he really believes in helping whenever he can.

He’s still a little naughty and loves to chew things he shouldn’t and steal the girls’ toys and run away with them.  But, for the most part, he’s a gentle, funny and loving dog.  We love our Jack.

**Sorry about the quality of the photos – taken in poor light with my phone.**

My new obsession

I mentioned the other day that I had been playing Farmville a lot while I was sick. I also alluded to the fact that I had eased off on the Farmville. Here’s why….

…meet my new love, Civilisation IV (otherwise known as CiviliZation IV - pfft). I have long hankered after this game and when I was ill Tom was sick of seeing me pathetically milking my cows, planting my crops and rearranging my farm* for the umpteenth time. He took pity on me and came home from the shops with a shiny copy of Civ IV. I was very excited.

In case you don’t know Civ IV is a strategy game where you start with a small settlement and build a civilisation. It’s complex and detailed and a lot of fun. It’s like chess on steroids. Being a lover of chess it’s exactly the kind of game I like, you have to think and plan and strategise and practice diplomacy. You can play alone or online in a multi-player game (I play solo). It keeps your brain working. A bit like reading and work and conversation used to (hee hee, kidding there, I still to all those things).

So I started playing Civ and fell in love. Tom is beginning to regret his decision. Sadly I’m back at work and the girls are back at school after the summer break and I haven’t had time to play Civ for a few days. But it will be the weekend soon.

*I still love my farm and play Farmville, in fact I recently expanded and rearranged it all again. That could be a blog post couldn’t it?