Thursday, July 31

Past it

That's how I feel. When did it happen? When did I start behaving as though my life was over and I just had to settle in for the rest of my days. I'm not even very nice about it, I seem to have become one of those horrible, cranky, angry-at-the-world types. I started noticing it recently, little things that I do now that I would never have done even 5 years ago. It started with the car radio. I like to listen to Radio National - 'The ABC's specialist journalism and arts network' while I'm driving. It's interesting and gives me the intellectual stimulation I need (and don't always get these days). I used to alternate that with Triple J and Classic FM, because I love music - all kinds of music. I've realised that I don't listen to either of them any more. I used to listen to music at home all day every day or in the background at work. I still listen, but not so much. And now when I listen to Radio National I sometimes shout at the radio if something offends me.

My days are spent tapping away, frantically working at the computer, while in the back of my mind I'm fretting about the business, the price of petrol, the environment, global name it, I'm worried about it. I didn't used to be like that. Then I pick up the girls from school and tell them to put on their jumpers because it's cold and no, they can't have a chocolate frog - too much sugar is bad for you and do you have any homework and don't walk on that wall, you'll fall off and no we can't go to the cafe for Baby Cinos today because we have to get home and do homework and cook dinner and have baths and read bedtime stories.........blah blah blah. The playground? No way, not today.

God, I'm a bore.

The other morning I wrote an outraged email to a morning TV news show, I was furious at their biased reporting. So I told them so. It's only a matter of time before I start writing letters to the editor of The Australian and waving my umbrella at kids on skateboards.

Sigh. What happened to me? When did I forget that life is meant to be joyful and that it's actually a good thing to enjoy myself? And maybe by encouraging others to enjoy themselves I'd have some fun too. Don't get me wrong, I do still do things that I enjoy, but I seem to have forgotten how to be playful and how to have fun. I recently read a post by Dave about how he intends to have fun now that he's retired and moving to a new house with a bigger garden. I remember thinking 'yes, you should have fun, that is SO important'. Ha! Apparently it's important for other people but not for me.

It's a long time since I was mingling with the rich and famous in Puerto Banus

or riding the Paris Metro every morning for months to my favourite cafe for a café crème and chocolate croissant

or drinking too much Guinness in a little pub in The Burren

or enjoying ancient monuments ....

Sometimes I forget that there was a me before this me and she really knew how to have a good time.

I wonder where she is?


Cathy said...

oh, just sounds like you're overwhelmed...I think we all get like that sometimes! Too many things on the To Do list...but you're right, what happened to having fun? Sometimes we have to forget the list of things to do and just enjoy the moment! Life's too short!

Dave said...

Middle-age, I'm afraid. Still, there is a future too look forward, in which fun will be waiting - that's my hope, certainly.

Perhaps you'd better take up cricket. I'm sure that's not taken seriously in Australia.

Z said...

I talk to the radio. I get very heated sometimes. And I pretty well only listen to Radio 4 - I like to choose the music I listen to.

Give the children a surprise. Offer a treat before they ask for it. It can set a whole new mood for the evening.

Leanne said...

I agree, you need a 'caitlin day' where you say 'sod it', and just go have fun, in whatever way appeals to you. it will do your spirit good, and your family will benefit from a happier mum/wife.

and when you pick the kids up from school, make a detour to an icecream parlour, forget the sugar just for once. order a family dish., and spoons for everyone. they will think you are soo cool!!

Leanne x

Anonymous said...

Cathy, yes, I am overwhelmed and it sucks. How could I forget FUN?

Thanks Dave, middle age....I feel so much better now :-). I think I will take up cricket, it'll set me apart, people don't like it much here.

Z, I'm glad I'm not the only one talking to the radio then - it does make me feel better to shout at it though - better than shouting at real people. I've sneaked a chocolate frog into tomorrow's lunch boxes for the girls. They won't know until they open them.

You're right Leanne, I need some me time that doesn't involve writing yet another article or fiddling with the website or folding washing or cleaning the bathroom ha ha. I think tomorrow is the day for after school milkshakes (for all of us) and maybe an hour at the playground afterwards (if the rain holds off, it's pouring tonight).

Suchi said...

Hi Caitlin,

I was just browsing blogs when I came across this post of yours. Loved your honesty and the easy way you expressed yourself.

For sometime now my career has not been going the way I want it to, and I have been taking it out on my life. You know being depressed, refusing to relax and let go, making my husband's life husband sometimes says that I have forgotten to have fun.

Reading you I realize how I have actually been keeping myself from having fun.

Thanks for sharing, it sure helped me a lot.